The Pain of Being Used
by dgames
Summary: She couldn't pinpoint when everything started to go down hill, maybe it had started form the very beginning.


**A/N:** So, I was attacked by this idea the other night and it wouldn't let me go. It was inspired after a rather angsty day. It literally exploded onto my computer. I've never wrote anything so fast in my life. I hope you guys can appreciate this; it's pretty depressing.

Now, on with the story!

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><p><strong>The Pain of Being Used<strong>

By: dgames

With a grunt and a tremor he rolled off of her and sprawled across the rumpled bed sheets. Her pink hair was sticking to the damp skin of her face. The muscles in her legs were trembling slightly. His slick skin was clinging to her from where they were still touching, and their combined fluids leaking out onto her thighs.

And she lied there.

A chill went racing up Sakura's spine and she couldn't tell if it was from the cool night air, snatching the warmth that he left lingering on her sore body, or if it was from the torrent of emotions that exploded in her chest.

It was only moments later that she felt him move; his skin pulling at her while he got up. This was the norm. He never stuck around after, never sought any comfort from her. Sasuke didn't need it, and she didn't think she could give it to him even if he wanted it. There was no kind feelings between them, at least on her side. All she could feel was resentment towards him.

He used her so she hated him. But then, she let him so she hated herself.

With a sigh she rolled over, turning her back to him. This was the worst. Her emotions where so intense after these encounters. She couldn't even call it sex, because sex meant that there was some sort of passion, some need, that was driving a couple. With them, it was because he expected it of her, and she didn't know how to tell him no.

There was a whisper of clothing somewhere in the darkness behind her. To her it sounded like her last bits of pride and self respect being torn to shreds. Her pale face contorted with the effort not to cry. But a tear slid rebelliously down her cheek anyway. The door clicked behind him as he left and she waited till she knew he would be far enough away so he wouldn't hear her cry.

She could not abnegate herself any longer. She turned her face into her pillow and released a heart wrenching sob.

Sakura had been surprised when he had propositioned her about starting a liaison. This wasn't what she had dreamed of as a young girl. She had wanted him to marry her and have kids together. As an adult she had let go of that desire, but the whimsical feeling still remained after all these years.

She had become a realist with age, but she would take any opportunity to get closer to him. Even if it meant being his little sex toy. She had thought this would be exactly what she would need. An outlet for her stressful life. And somewhere in the farthest corner of her mind there was hope that she might make him realize that she was worth more than a tumble in the bed.

The first time it was intense. It was rough and hard. There was pulled hair and scratch marks. And at the end they were both panting and sweaty. Both sated, and, at least in her case, satisfied. Sasuke would sneak into her house at night and they would both find pleasure in each others arms, but it didn't last long.

She couldn't pinpoint when everything started to go down hill, or maybe it had started form the very beginning. Looking back she knew she should never have excepted his invitation into an illicit affair.

It could have been all the sneaking around that started to bug her. Or the way he would push her face into the pillow. Or how he never let her on top. Or how he would barely look at her, let alone talk to her. Or maybe it was how he didn't try to get her off. He left right after he got his, and if she came before that time all the better for her, but she could never expect him to help her along. Or maybe it was the hollow, empty look that was always in his obsidian eyes when they met. She knew it was all of these things and more that made these rendezvous so unbearable.

During the day she tried not to let her rising dread overwhelm her. She pushed the feeling to the back of her mind with all the other thoughts of there next meeting. Instead she focused on her friends, on her patients. She focused on training, and studying. Eating and breathing. It was all she could do to keep herself from falling to pieces.

It was the silence that got to Sakura because that was when she would loose the battle of wills and thoughts of haunting eyes and rough touches would overwhelm her mind. It took everything she had not to panic and keep her composure.

Ssakura could barely recognize the person in the mirror anymore. She had lost her appetite somewhere along the way, and her once sinuous form was taking on a thin and sickly appeal. Her skin was ashen, and there were dark bags forming beneath her eyes. The look in her eye was what always caught her attention. It was slowly creeping in, but it was that same hollow look that he would always have. She knew that if she was noticing these changes than so were others.

She was right.

Naruto was the first to mention to her about her morose mood. He had always been perceptive to her. She had brushed off his concern. She told him it was because she had taken on some extra shifts at the hospital and it was starting to wear on her. She could tell he didn't believe her, but he didn't push it. And she was thankful.

She knew if she told him there would be a fight. Naruto would be outraged and seeking Sasuke's blood. She couldn't let that happen. They had just gotten him back. She didn't want to be the cause of there ruined friendship. They had just started to get along again, and she worried any fight with Sasuke would have him heading for the hills. Besides, this was her problem, she got herself into this mess. She didn't know what she was going to do about it yet, but she would think of something. Hopefully.

Lee had been next. He had pulled her aside to talk. He had been so kind, but she pushed him away too; telling him the same things she told Naruto.

She started noticing the concerned looks her friends were giving her when they thought she wasn't looking. That alone made her not want to talk this out with any of them. She didn't want there pity, and with her last shreds of pride she kept her troubles to herself.

Sakura had come to the conclusion that this couldn't go on any longer. She had been confident in her decision. But every time she saw him she would waver and loose confidence.

She had tried staying away from home as much as possible by picking up more missions, and taking third shift at the hospital. At first she thought she had been successful, but it didn't last more than a week.. She had come back late from a messenger run to Suna when she found he broke into her home.

She could see a hazy outline of him sitting on her couch and the light from the moon glinting off his dark eyes. She could feel his barely controlled animosity rolling off of him as he coolly observed her.

"I know what you are trying to do... Sakura" His silky voice slithered over her. She saw his eyes slide shut. The ire she felt rolling off him before sharpened into deadly intent. It made her spine stiffen and her breath catch in her throat.

His eyes snapped open to revel hypnotizing red. "It's not going to work." His voice was overflowing with asperity and his words were final.

She had barely released the breath she was holding before he had her in his grasp.

That night had been the worst. He had nearly broken her wrist. There were dark black and yellow bruises covering her body. The worst one was on the back of her neck where he had forced her down onto the coach while he took her from behind. She remembered it hurting. He was going too deep, too fast. He was too violent. But she didn't tell him it hurt. She wouldn't show him that weakness.

She had cried that night after he left, and it had become almost a ritual ever since.

Now it was four months after that dark night and nothing had changed. He was just as vicious and she just let it happen.

Every scenario that she thought of, where she told him no more, always ended up with her beaten and bloody in the hospital.

How do you tell a man like Uchiha Sasuke no?


End file.
